So far in this blog, I've focused on the shortcomings of my life. I've done it (maybe) to help you understand that I understand. I've done it (maybe) to show you where I began. I've done it (maybe) because I know first hand how hard it is to let go of your stories.
I have been thinking lately of what I would like my life to look like, what sort of client I would like to coach. I have been focusing on all of the things I myself have had issues with and overcome. It has kept me focusing on the stories of my past because I felt I needed them to help people. I suppose I felt I needed them for other people who may have had them to feel understood. I need to move past that now.
Ironically, today I will still tell you a story. You may not be able to discern any difference between this story and the earlier ones I have told, but it will make all the difference to me.
My life changed when I watched the movie, "Defending Your Life." Albert Brooks' "little brain" dealing with his fears felt familiar and recognizable to me. I suddenly felt imprisoned by my fears and in short order, I found myself divorced and wanting to do things that pushed my boundaries a little.
I don't remember how I heard about it, but I invited two friends to come with me to Murphy, California, and rappel into the nearby Moaning Cave. It sounds more intimidating than it is. Or at least to me it does. You don't have to know anything about rappelling to do it. You don't have to know about ropes or knots. Other people take care of all that. You just need to be able to follow instructions. That and be able to first, step into a small hole that may challenge your claustrophobia and second lower yourself down through a large open cavern that may challenge your fear of heights.
There were people ahead of us, so after they geared us up, we had to wait a little while. Just like waiting in any line for a roller coaster, I found myself vacillating between slightly nauseous and needing to use a toilet. I was pretty scared by the time it was my turn to step into the hole. I got lucky, though, one of my friends had some issues with claustrophobia. I chose to be strong for her. By the time we reached the large cavern, I had overcome my fears and thought more about how I wished I could rappel faster to feel wind rush past me.
I didn't mention before, but at the time, there were two ways to enter Moaning Cave. First, by rappelling as we did or second by a large spiraling staircase. As I lowered myself through the large cavern and wished I could move faster, I heard people on the staircase commenting about me.
"Look at that. Look how high she is. I could never do that."
I could picture myself in their shoes. I could imagine walking down the stairs and believing myself too frightened and intimidated to rappel. At the same time, there I was. Rappelling. Not only that, but realizing even while I was hearing someone else voice her fear, it wasn't that big of a deal. All it required was overcoming a bit of fear.
Things that you do like that? They give you self confidence. For me at least, they have helped change my perception of who I am. I don't exactly know how to do it and I'm depending on the universe to send me inspiration, but that's the type of coach I want to be. I want to guide people through life experiences that leave them feeling braver, stronger, happier, somehow larger than they were before. I don't want to tell you anymore stories of how hurt I was or how small I was. I want to share moments of growth and confidence. I want to help my clients experience moments like that as well. You hear that universe? I'm ready for inspiration.
Meanwhile, I will keep telling you stories here. I'll keep banging whatever drum this that I'm drumming. But they will be stories of all of the wonderful things that have happened. No more of the stuff I've overcome. Let's just leave that as:
I was born. I grew. I learned.