Reality vs The Perception of Reality

I had the beginnings of a blog on The Good Life.  A modest proposal that there is no "The" Good Life, but rather there are as many paths to a good life as there are people on the planet.  Then I adopted a new kitty, Sherman.  Now my formerly "good life" has a little too much hissing, growling and spitting in it and I am a little bit distracted.  So, while I watch episodes of "My Cat From Hell," please enjoy this reprinted blog post "Reality vs The Perception of Reality" which I first posted February 20, 2011.  Thanks for your patience.  

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Believe it or not, reality vs the perception of reality was the argument du jour on my news wall at Facebook. Actually that in itself makes a good illustration of the argument. In reality, Facebook is a social networking site. A more simplified way to describe that reality would be: Facebook is a place where individuals can post thoughts, photographs, game information - nearly anything of a digital nature that they would like; and make them available for other individuals to access. Perception of that reality then becomes more involved with what people do with the site. Given the capabilities of Facebook, (for our discussion) it makes no difference to the "reality" if an individual uses it to play Farmville 12 hours a day or to post hourly reporting on anything from the current events of "my vacation" to the current state of the world. You see, what the people use the medium for IS their perception of why it is available to them and what is its appropriate usage. Although those perceptions involve a certain amount of judgment, it is the next layer that gets judgmental. That is where, having witnessed a segment of posts or time on Facebook, the individual "judges" Facebook as, let's say, "a place where silly, boring people waste precious hours of their life playing equally silly games." Now, keep in mind, this is NOT reality. This is perception. Facebook still sits there - unbiased as to what its life purpose is. It is the perception based glasses or blinders of the human individual that makes a judgment about that reality and then reinvents it. The problem arises when the human is unaware he is filtering reality through his own perceptions.  

On my Facebook news wall, the reality vs perception question invariably traveled to the question of "if a tree falls in the woods, but no one is there to hear it; does it still make a sound?" But when you think about it from a purely, "reality vs perception," point of view; while it may be a fun little game to play with, it doesn't provide us a lot of enlightenment. Unless, of course, we allow ourselves to travel far enough to make judgments about whose fault it is that the tree fell. Otherwise, it is not a question about what the difference is between reality and perceived reality; it is a question about whether or not there actually IS a reality beyond what we perceive. Which is another ballpark altogether. 

Let's look at another one just to see where it gets us. 

There is an elderly man in a nursing home. One day, a water glass leaves the grasp of his hand, falls to the floor and shatters into many pieces. That's the fact. That's the reality. We have a man. We have a nursing home. We have a broken glass on the floor. But, to the individual's witnessing or impacted by the event, the perception based reality can vary greatly. Perhaps the son of the man perceives the event as a sign of his decreasing strength and decline in health. Perhaps the daughter of the man perceives the event as a sign of the nursing home staff's lack of proper care for her father. Perhaps the nursing home attendant perceives the event as a patient's attempt to receive more attention than the rest of the patients. 

Now here's the next problem with perceived reality. We can judge all of those individual's perceptions based on what they witnessed or didn't witness on that day or in the entire life of the elderly man and his personality; but what our "rational" mind fails to grasp is that ALL of the perceived realities are correct. Every one of them is correct whether they appear to be in conflict with each other or not. Now, "correct" is probably not the best word actually, so let's substitute "real." Every one of those perceived realities is real. Every one of those perceived realities is real and represents the reality of the individual perceiving its existence. 

Understand? We are now in "one man's junk is another man's treasure" territory. You see, humans are nearly incapable of simply reporting the facts of reality. Our opinions, our need to understand and feel safe in our own existence, our fears - they all give us the guidelines of what reality looks like and what it means. 

Now the argument on Facebook involved American government. A whole bunch of "isms" were being paraded around as realities. It is impossible for an "ism" to be reality OUTSIDE of perception. Let's break American government down to the "facts." 

There are three branches of federal government: fact. One branch is the Judicial Branch: fact. One branch is the Legislative Branch: fact. One branch is the Executive Branch: fact. Together, these branches make, execute, and interpret the laws that govern America: fact.

But when Americans get together to talk about their government, this is almost never what they are really discussing. Instead, they are arguing about whether or not the laws enacted by the government are right or good; why the individual's working in the branches enacted the particular laws that they did; and what the government should be doing that they are not. All of that involves perceptional reality. 

Now here is the important part. It is the scary part, but it is also the part where empathy can begin. 

Remember all of those perceived realities are real. They are absolutely the real realities of the persons perceiving them. Let's take one that is as far out on a fringe as you can get in order to make the point. Let's say an individual witnesses all of the news of what laws and decisions the federal branches are making and he perceives that the President of the United States is actually an alien from outer space determined to initiate the destruction of the human race. Just because you or I believe that perception to be ridiculous, it is still that person's reality in which he resides every day. Or at least until the next election. We can't assume that any amount of our reassuring him that we have seen the president's belly button - he is a human - will alter his perception. In fact, he might even perceive our attempts to persuade him as evidence we may also be aliens. 

So now that I've brought you to this point - this distinction between reality and perceptional reality - what is MY point? Why bother, especially if we can never cajole, argue, or persuade the individual into changing his perceptional reality. He can only do that on his own. My point is what I take from the knowledge that an individual's perceived reality IS his reality. 

That man, the one who believes the president is an alien bent on the destruction of the human race? He lives in a very frightening world. Where we may see joy and laughter and all of the best possibilities for the human race; in a very real sense, he is living in a Philip K. Dick novel and is feeling only fear and doom. Imagine how that must feel for him. He must face every day with a generalized sense of dread. He is essentially facing a hell on earth. It is so important that we attempt to interact with him only in a compassionate way. It's my belief, at least, that it is only possible for an individual's perception of reality to change when he or she is in a calmer, more relaxed state away from his or her fears. So rather than yelling at people and calling them idiots for what they believe or attempting to argue them into agreeing with you; take a step into the painting that is their perceived reality. Try to understand why they would believe that. Try to understand what it must feel like. 

But here is the most important part. 

Let me make it plain, I am not saying we need to be on the outlook for weapons of mass destruction under the bed or in the garage of everyone who doesn't agree with us politically. 

What I am saying is that just because we believe another individual's perceived reality is "crazy talk;" we should never assume that whatever actions they claim they may make are anything other than factual statements of their capabilities in their current perceived state of reality. It is action based on shared perceived reality that brings about change and revolution, but can also bring about destruction and slayings of the Charles Manson variety. Individual perceived reality can bring about great thinkers, artists, visionaries, inventors, but it can also deliver that mundane job worker who takes the whole office hostage. 

Underestimating someone else's capabilities within their perceived reality can bring about an end to your own.

Let's Play a Game

Pull out your favorite writing utensil, your phone or tablet, a pen and a piece of paper.  Either imagine or remember the last time you tried to uplift a friend who was down.  Maybe he/she was getting a divorce or had a death in the family.  Maybe the person just got fired or wrecked their car.  What did you say?  Maybe you said, "No worries.  Everything always works out for you."  Or a simple "I love you."  Write down all of the sentences you can think of or remember.

This next part is going to involve a bit of honesty.  You don't have to be honest with me, but you do need to be honest with you.

Take your list to the bathroom or whatever room has the largest mirror in it.  Look yourself directly in the eye and tell yourself all of the sentences.

Could you do it?  Did you laugh, feel silly and walk away?  Or did you rush through the sentences, emotionlessly reading them, without ever really meeting your own gaze in the mirror?

I really can't remember when it was I realized I could not meet my own gaze in the mirror.  Oh sure, I could look at my face.  Brush my teeth or hair.  Put moisturizer or mascara on.  Even then, I would survey what I was seeing critically.  It was like I was constantly looking at someone of whom I ever so slightly did not approve.  The only time I would catch a glimpse of my own smile was when I happened to be laughing when I entered the room.

The discomfort I found trying to look myself in the eye was not like trying to avoid seeing a wrecked car on the side of the road or the latest gruesome death on The Game of Thrones.  It was closer to that of a child who knows he/she has misbehaved and is reluctant to see the disappointment in mom's eyes.  I found it a bit disturbing and fascinating.  Think about it.  How many years do you spend in the company of your parents?  Your children?  Your spouse?  The only person who will be with you from the beginning to the end is you.  And you can't look yourself in the eye?

There is a power in observing yourself in a detached way as if you were simply a witness.  There is a scientific term called "The Observer Effect" which refers to the changes that the act of observation will make upon the observed.  I'd like to humbly suggest that being able to observe yourself in a kind and loving manner will cause dozens of tiny, infinitesimal changes in your outlook and life which, like tiny stones tossed at the top of a hill, may be much larger and have much greater momentum somewhere near the bottom.

Do you have a best friend?  A person who just "gets you?"  Who could possibly "get you" more than you?  That's where I started.  I pictured myself as my own sidekick.  My own best friend who had only the best intentions and love in her heart.  What did I say?  I ad-libbed and I recommend you do the same.  That's because life is too fluid for a script.  Even talking to yourself, you can't anticipate just what you may need to say.  Beyond that, I basically told the truth.  I acknowledged feeling silly talking to myself in the mirror.  I apologized to myself for all of the disappointments in my life.  I cried a little.  In the end I told myself all of the comforting things I had ever wanted to hear from someone else.

It will be ok.  Everything will be ok.  Everything always works out for you.   I'm right here.  You are right here in this moment.  There is nothing in this moment that can hurt you.  I am sorry I neglected you.  I won't do that again.  I love you.  I will always love you.

Over time, my conversations with myself became less like a parent soothing a disappointed child and more like an admirer or fan.  

Wow!  What a great day!  You did things today you never realized you could do!  You are unstoppable!  There is just no stopping you now!  You are on FIRE!  

Pretty silly huh?  Just another pointless self-help, waste-of-time game.  

Except a funny thing happened.  Along the way it became easy to look myself in the eye.  I not only began seeing my own smile in the mirror, rather than being the set expression one sets knowing his/her picture is being taken, it is the natural, easy shapes a mouth makes when it can barely resist bursting out into laughter.  

Like I said, it will take a little bit of honesty.  Only you know what your experience is when you look in the mirror.  If it is anything less than, "Look at you.  You ROCK!"  You might want to have a heart to heart with the one person who will truly always ever be there for you.  It might just be the start of a  surprising, but beautiful, friendship.  

A Modest Proposal About Changing Your Memories

Memory is a squirrelly thing.  The other day I was at a memorial service for a friend I knew way back from high school and I was reminded that my memory for those days is not very good.  Which is always kind of funny because, in those days and for years afterwards, I was frequently told I had a memory like an elephant.  Both are true.  In those days, life felt very precarious and I felt the need to keep track of nearly everything.  I couldn't be found to be wrong in any circumstance.  Nowadays life doesn't feel as scary anymore.  You could challenge me to a battle of who remembers our childhood's more clearly and I would just shrug and say, "you win." I no longer have to wear my memory as a suit of armor.  While I am sometimes amazed by the depth and breadth of the details that have now slipped by me from my childhood, I know that my hyper vigilance at the time is also the culprit now. While I was tabulating details, I wasn't very present or "in the moment."  How can you be when your mind is running a constant check list to see if everything is ok?

Until recently, though, I could remember bad details of my childhood with crystal clarity.  The sad result of filing the successful moments away as something completed and the unwanted moments as problems somehow still waiting to be resolved.  Holding myself as never being any better than that little girl who got into a lot of trouble when she was eleven.  I know I'm not alone too.  The dates and ages are different, but a lot of other people do the same thing.  It doesn't have to be that way.

The other day I was reading about memory and I learned a startling fact.  When you remember an event you are not actually remembering the event itself, you are recalling the last time you remembered the event.  While that might be a nightmare to those who always have to be right, to the rest of us it provides a surprising opportunity.  Since the details about an event are invariably going to shift like a phrase whispered from one kid to another during "The Telephone Game," why not help them along?  Particularly if you have painted yourself a loser or the villain of your childhood.  Why not rewrite your story and treat yourself with a little bit more kindness?

Let's try an example.

Let's say you didn't have a lot of friends growing up and you spent a lot of time by yourself.  Rather than focusing on the loneliness and the isolation, how about focusing on the things you did and what you enjoyed?  Form a sentence in your mind looking at the positive aspects rather than the negative.  For instance:

I really developed my love for art back in high school when I was able to spend hours of uninterrupted time looking at reference books.  

Just like a good affirmation, the sentence has to be something you will find believable.  That means can't just put on a cape in every memory and become a super hero.  You will find more success if you shift your point of view more than the details themselves.  

When I was growing up, my parents were very over protective and controlling.  When I would get into trouble, my mother would have a massive freak out and behave as if I were "The Bad Seed."  I tormented myself with the self image that I had processed out of those memories until both of their deaths.  My mother, who was bed ridden the last two years of her life, gave me the inspiration for rewriting some of those earlier stories.  One day when I was visiting, she was talking about the time she, my aunt and my grandmother attended college classes.  It was when I was a toddler and was a sort of "girls night out" for them.  In the story, my mother told me one of my cousins once helped her with writing a paper.  "Pointing out what needed to be capitalized and that sort of thing."  She gave an example or two and, while I said nothing at the time, I was struck by the contrast between us.  All of the rules of grammar for which she needed guidance, came to me so naturally I couldn't possibly forget them.  While driving home, I thought about the notion of knowing more than your parents and remembered the many times my parents had talked about how smart I was.  "What if," I thought, "I didn't get into trouble so much because I was a 'bad person,' but because I was a 'smart person.?'"  I already knew that my mother's life revolved around fear.  What if my mother was afraid early on that I would be smarter than her?  What if she worried that I would create or get into troubles that were beyond her coping skills?  It certainly wasn't the story I had been telling myself, but at the same time, I could see it as a valid point of view.  I stopped rehashing the notion, "I am inherently bad" and began telling myself:

I was a bright and curious child who liked learning new things and exploring.  My parents sometimes felt out of their depth keeping me out of harm's way.  

Notice I didn't change the facts.  My parents still went to unusual or undesirable methods to control me.  I changed my understanding of why that was the case.  Whatever happened, let's say you broke your arm, got an F in Algebra or wrecked your dad's car.  That event still happened.  It is the story you tell yourself about why it happened or why it was such a bad thing or had such a negative impact on your life where you have the most opportunity for change.  I would argue the most need for change as well.  

Think of it this way.  Whether you believe in an anthropomorphized god, a life force of energy, or no god at all, this is your life.  You are here to live.  During that lifetime, you will attempt and accomplish a lot of things.  I just think you will have an easier time if you start out telling yourself you are good and worthy and capable.  This is just a method to backdate that way of believing in you.  

Just Stop Talking About It

My life has been positively exploding with opportunities lately!  I have been remodeling my house and so many things began falling into place people pointed out to me I was almost building an entirely new house!  Now, as I decorate the reconfigured rooms, each stroke of paint seems to make me feel just a tiny bit more alive and excites me.   A friend told me it was like I was building my own personal Wonderland.  I couldn't have said it better myself.

At the same time, opportunities for travel are opening up.  I have friends in both London and Paris who have a guest bedroom available.  I visited New Orleans for Mardi Gras this year and in a little over a month I will be in Alaska.  That was a big Law of Attraction moment of delight.  I have been talking about wanting to go to Alaska since the 90's.  Recently, I have been saying I would like to try a cruise, maybe a theme cruise for added entertainment, and after friends went to another workshop since the retreat we attended together, I decided the next workshop I would like to attend would be one with Abraham and Esther Hicks.

Yes I am.  I am going on an Alaskan Cruise with Abraham and Esther Hicks.  After talking with my two friends, on a complete whim I googled some sort of mixture of Abraham-Hicks, workshop and cruise and found an outline of an experience that could have been lifted right off from my vision board.  Including the port visit attractions.  Even with all that, I still messaged a friend who has been to an Abraham-Hicks Caribbean Cruise.  He said, "If you asked me if I would do it again, I would answer, 'In a heartbeat."  Excited almost isn't a large enough word for how I feel.

So I'm immersing myself in Abraham-Hicks teachings.  I would really like a chance on "The Hot Seat" and even though it is probably next to impossible given how long Abraham has been answering Hot Seat questions, but I would like to ask a new one.  I would like to identify the best question I could ask Abraham for my own behalf AND nudge the discussion a little further along.  As I listen to Abraham-Hicks audiobooks and youtube presentations, I have already had my first potential questions answered and I'm becoming pretty well versed in Abraham's Law of Attraction point of view.

If you find yourself unhappy with your life and the opportunities that are presenting themselves to you, the answer is in the question.  Don't understand?  Voice the question you would ask Abraham to yourself lightly.  Is it something along the lines of:

Where is my soul mate?  The love of my life?

Why am I not more successful?

Where is my slice of happiness?

So far the number one takeaway I have from all of my Abraham-Hicks studies is the importance of being happy and having a positive attitude.  The things you want in your life that aren't there are held back by your own repetition of complaint they are missing.  The more you keep "beating the drum" (as Abraham would say) of the bad things that have happened to you; the more you push all of the good things you've been wanting away.  You attract not what you want, not your opposite, but exactly what you are.  The next time you complain about that dimwit fellow employee or that road raged driver who cut you off?  Consider this.  According to Abraham, they didn't just drop into your lap.  You actively attracted them.  So if you find yourself surrounded by bad tempered, combative people, you might want to do an emotional self check.  You want to aim for a high frequency to attract a high frequency item.  You need to be authentically happy to attract more happiness to your life.  

Authentic happiness.  You can't complain about all that baggage, cross your fingers behind your back and say, "Just kidding."  The universe doesn't listen to what you are saying.  It reads the emotional frequency you are broadcasting.  So if you are in a "the world sucks and then you die" place, guess what world you will attract?  

But "misery loves company" right?  We think it feels good to complain to others and get recognition and confirmation of our position.  We feel validated, but do we really feel better?  Or is it like the junk food aisle of happiness?  A temporary, not very filling alternative that frequently leaves us no better than we started after our sympathetic audience has departed?  

There used to be a joke something along the lines of "Why do I bang my head against the wall?"  "Because it feels so good when I stop."   But it's not really a joke.  It's the way life works.  If your life isn't working, you are metaphorically banging your head against things and asking when this pain in your head will go away.  Stop and it will go away.

I've been studying the Law of Attraction for a few years now and that's what I've been trying to do.  I know I've had times where I have found it impossible NOT to drone on about the bad things that have happened in my life.  I remember the feelings of needing to explain.  The feelings of needing to be understood.  Some time not that long ago, a friend gifted me with one of the most important things I needed to hear to begin the process to stop.  

"You talk like you're the only person that has ever happened to."

I immediately recognized the truth in what he was saying because it was also how I felt.  The fact that my friend had had similar experiences and had not talked about them like I did was startling and liberating.  

You don't need to tell everyone your story.  You don't need to explain.  You don't need to justify.  You don't need to set up a context for who you are now or who you want to be.  According to Abraham, all you need to do is, in this moment, find the happiest, highest frequency you can reach.  In the next moment?  Find the happiest, highest frequency you can reach.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Don't beat yourself up when you find yourself slipping.  Slowly make your way to an emotional place where you feel better.  If you feel better, you have raised your frequency.  

Salt your world with music that inspires you, colors that soothe you, textures that comfort you.  Hug, squeeze and breathe in the people and creatures who you love.  Learn to focus your attention on the world you love rather than the news that scares you.  Try this.  Have you ever been driving, your favorite song comes on the radio, you're singing along and all of the sudden, another car cuts you off?  By the time your hearing for anything beyond your own cussing has returned, it is three songs later.  Right?  

There are no fewer than a thousand reasons you cannot be privy to that may have caused the driver to behave as he did.  Your judgement about him is based on you and your fear and has little to do with him.  You don't even know him.  Meanwhile, you didn't die and your favorite song is still on the radio.  I'd say your best and happiest course of action, and the one that will benefit your future the most, would be to keep on singing.  

Stop talking about everything you hate and give some airtime to everything you love.  

So, I Took a Walk Yesterday

That isn't such a big deal.  I took a walk the day before too.  With a friend.  At about 2:30 in the afternoon.   The big deal is that I took one of those things I've been meaning to do and did it.  I don't know about you and your life, but in my life, I seem to see significant changes every half year or so.  One of my more recent changes is in my sleep patterns.  I fall asleep pretty early most nights, sometimes waking up in the insomniac time zones of the night only to realize the reason I'm awake is because I've already gotten enough sleep.  Seven hours is seven hours whether you wake at 7:00am or 4:00am.  For a week or two now I have felt twitchy.  It's as if my body is trying to tell me I have been neglecting it.  I keep hearing friends who talk about morning walks.  They sound really good, but the time always seems to slip away leaving me once again ready for bed without having ever taken that walk.

Not only did I take a walk, by myself, but I took it at 6:30am.

For the first three blocks I was still on the fence as to whether I wanted to walk or not.  The air was cold enough I was still a bit chilly even in my sweat clothes.  I had only walked by my neighbor's house before my left foot felt like I had extended it too far and I had a sharp pain in the arch.  I usually wear Chuck's.  If I'm not in my slip on Converse shoes, I'm probably barefoot.  I've never understood how shoes I essentially "live in" can suddenly become uncomfortable just because I do something a little out of the normal like take a walk or go to a convention or a theme park.  I kept walking.

Three more blocks and I'm off my street.  I told myself two blocks ago the only reason my left foot hurt is because I'm focusing my attention on it.  Think of something else.  Listen to the birds.  I can feel the cool air in my throat and bronchial passage.  I'm unsettled by my breathing becoming a bit more labored and I struggle with my inner critical voice who decides now would be a good time to tell me I'm a loser who never works out and who looks like a potato.  My right foot starts to hurt.  I keep walking.

Three more blocks.  Whether they are now successfully "warmed up" or "stretched out," neither foot hurts anymore.  I'm far enough now that going back home and "forgetting this ever happened" is no longer an option.  If I cave in and quit early, I will remember.  If I succeed and finish my planned route, I will remember.  I keep walking.

I walk through the exhaust stream of a car warming up just before I pass my friend's house.  My route is roughly based on our walks together.  Just past her house is the half way mark.  Neither foot hurts and I have warmed up enough that my sweatshirt seems almost unnecessary.  I've been walking a slightly wider, more busy street on the border of my neighborhood, now I turn and head into the interior streets.  Immediately I notice it is even quieter.  It is almost as if I am the only person awake.  I feel almost like an intruder.  Except for another empty car left running to warm it up, the only other life present is a cat trying to keep warm at the end of a driveway and a crow who seems to want to chase me off his street with his persistent cawing.  I pull out my phone, take a picture of the cat and a tree I admire in one of the front yards, and continue walking.

Three more blocks.  I'm closer to home than not, but on a different street than I usually use when in my car.  Nothing hurts.  I'm feeling good and I'm taking in the scenery as I pass it.  My inner voice, no longer trying to abuse me, is full of "that house is a pretty color" or "I wonder when they added the extended porch to that house."  After another three blocks, my confidence is high, I feel almost like a veteran walker and I can see my house in the distance.

Walking up the steps to my house, I picture myself flopping into a chair and relaxing.  As I open the front door, my cat, an even greater creature of habit than myself, is startled by the unusual activity and puffs twice his size.  (The front door at my house doesn't usually open before 8am and that is usually after he has requested it verbally in a variety of meows.)  Honestly, I don't remember what I did next.  I know it wasn't flop in a chair.  I kept active.  I kept moving.  A certain momentum had begun and I seemed reluctant to let it end.  What I do remember was how my legs felt the rest of the day.  Relaxed, moving smoothly, gracefully.  They felt happy about the morning's events.

I think that's how change works.  You have to fight past your natural resistances.  Your ego/mind wants to protect you and will sling a bunch of abuse at you to discourage you.  It can't see any dangers in your comfort zone.  It doesn't know that living your life with box-like limitations is very .....  well ..... limiting.  If you can distract yourself long enough to get past the initial discomfort and internal naysaying, you surprise yourself by doing things you've never done before.  Frequently with ease.  You might even actually enjoy yourself.  Still, for awhile, the next time will require the same effort.  It will require remembering how good my legs felt rather than thinking how cold the air feels or that my left foot has started the journey unhappy again.  I know too that, if I can keep this up for four weeks, at the end of that time I will be a walker.  It will become a habit.  At this point, it is mine to decide whether I want it or not.  I'm a big believer in occasionally assessing "what do I want out of life?" and then going out and getting it.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'd like to take a walk.

The Levels of Consciousness

I need to preface this blog entry by saying you are never responsible for someone else's feelings.  The influence or contamination of emotional feelings that I describe in the blog can both happen to others encountering you as well as to you when you encounter others.  What I am always trying to shine a light on is that, just because you may be having a rough day or going through a bad patch, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE UNHAPPY.  Emotions are good.  They are our special gauges that tell us whether we are living life in a way that is happy and fulfilling or constrictive and disheartening.  But just like a gauge in our car that tells us our car needs service, we don't simply leave the triggered gauge on red and talk about it for hours, days or weeks on end.

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There is a chart that can be found across the internet, based on Dr. David Hawkins work, which assigns a numeric value to all of our emotions.  The Levels of Consciousness chart.  They developed the numbers via kinesiology or muscle testing.

Now in the Law of Attraction, we learn that like attracts like.  In other words, a high energy frequency attracts a high energy frequency and a low attracts a low.

I was thinking about past relationships and arguments or bad moments that I've had and suddenly I could actually visualize exactly what had happened using The Levels of Consciousness Chart.

Joy is at 540 on that chart and Love is at 500.  Lets call the combination of those two "Happiness" and rather than a numeric value, let's give it a color.  Red.  Fear is at 100 on the chart and Desire is at 125.  Let's call the combination of those two "Getting Your Self Worth from Others" and give it the color blue.  Anger is at 150.  Let's give it the color purple.

In the scenario I was thinking about, a friend and I were together.  Laughing and having a good time. If you could see each of us as glowing in our level of consciousness colors, I'm sure we both would have been red.  Keep in mind, like attracts like.  We're both happy and we are supporting each other at that energy level.  Maintaining it by attracting it back and forth.  I drift out of the moment.  Something happens that makes me think of the past or triggers my lack of self worth and I begin talking to my friend, not from our red place of "Happiness," but from my blue place of "Getting Your Self Worth From Others."

Like attracts like.  In this situation, a few things can happen depending on my companion's resilience levels and skills at resisting others negative emotions.

Because that's what I've done.  I've introduced negativity into the room.  I've done it innocently enough.  I have left the present moment and my ego is running my "Getting Your Self Worth From Others" program.  It actually represents me, slipping from "Happiness" and attempting to reestablish myself there.  I suddenly feel bad and I'm attempting to feel better.

It can never happen.  It is the equivalent of trying to make a dish less salty by adding more salt.

I've introduced negativity into the room and I've broken our attraction.  If my friend is very resilient and has very good skills at resisting, he or she will probably excuse him or herself from the equation and leave the room.  If my friend is very patient and  empathetic, he or she might cajole me back to "Happiness," but I could just as easily drag my friend down.

Downward emotional stations from "Happiness" or Joy and Love on The Levels of Consciousness Chart would be Reason, Acceptance, Willingness, Neutrality, Courage, Pride, Anger, and finally, Desire and Fear or "Getting Your Self Worth From Others."  Some of those may not sound all that bad, but keep in mind they are lower than "Happiness."  In terms of emotional pain or discomfort, lower energy levels don't feel as good as higher ones.  If my friend is very susceptible to negative emotions, I may even drag him or her lower to Grief, Apathy, Guilt or Shame.  In the scenario I was thinking about, I dragged my friend to anger and we had an argument.  I converted us to colors rather than numbers because I think it is a good visual representation.  My friend was red.  I was blue.  He or she took on a bit of my blue and became purple.  Angry.

Now consider this.  You've had a bad day at work.  You come home and your loved ones, your family, are all laughing and having a good time.  They are buzzing along, red and in the 500's and you inject yourself into them, gruff and complaining, somewhere under 200.  The very best you can hope for is that they will draw you up to their level, but you are running the risk of dragging them down.  You are making yourself a burden.  It is as if your entire family was required to carry a certain amount of weight and, instead of carrying yours, you redistribute it among the rest of your family.  I'd like to think you'd never do that. I'd like to think that you would rather take on some of your loved one's burdens than willingly place yours upon their backs.

There is a popular self help meme across the internet.

"Never put the keys to your happiness in someone's pocket."

We tend to look at that from a very self centered viewpoint.  I want to be happy and I can't depend on anyone else to make me happy.    

1.  You can't "make" anyone do anything.  Just as no one can "make" you do anything.  In reality, when someone else has done something and you respond by being happy.  It was your choice to respond in that way.  Understanding this means understanding you also have the potential to choose to be happy at any time you like.  No matter what circumstances are unfolding around you.

2.  Your moods and your life are your own responsibility.  No one else's.  One of the reasons you can't put the keys to your happiness in someone else's pocket is because they are responsible for their own happiness.  No one can be or should be burdened with your happiness as well as their own.  

But what can I do?"  You might say.  "I feel however I feel.  I can't control my emotions."

There are actually a lot of things you can do.  Consider my example.  I said "I drift out of the moment."  By that I mean, I drift out of the present moment.  Instead of being present and actively interacting with my friend, I have allowed my mind to drift.  Probably to the past since what it netted was insecurity and negativity.  Whatever things happened to you at work, they are not present with you when you arrive home with your family.  They can only be there, if you drag them there.  One thing you could do is meditate and cultivate practices that enable you to be more present. You could work to make yourself more resilient and resistant.  You could do this by exploring your emotions, understanding why you feel like you feel and make peace with your demons from the past.  Or you could consider the possibility that, in order to feel happy, we must think happy thoughts and consciously decide to be happy.

One of the quickest routes to being happy?  Do something nice for someone else.  You can't "make" them happy, but you just might "make" yourself happy in the process.

Communication

I've been remodeling my house.  Most of it is skeletal.  The things a house needs to remain upright and insurable.  Right now, I'm refinishing the old floors.  Even that touches a part of my brain that tags it as necessary.  If the floors are left to weather from their already weathered state, in another ten or twenty years, I may not be considering whether or not they are pretty, but rather whether they are structurally sound.  I have been living in the house during the work and I have discovered the depths of my patience.  Meanwhile, my cat Peabody hates it.

At the moment, one side of the house is cut off from the other side of the house while the floor finish dries.  Peabody, who I rescued from the neighborhood almost never has any interest in going outside, but is seriously bothered by his current lack of mobility.  I wish I could just whisper in his ear and he would understand.

"It's ok Sweet "P".  It's only for another few days.  You'll get your mobility back."

This morning I realized I was wishing for an event with an animal that rarely even happens between humans.  To communicate and be understood.  To listen and understand.  We think we do.  Probably we even come close most of the time, but then we have those moments.  Those stark uncomfortable moments where we suddenly become aware we are talking to a friend who has become a stranger.  Viewing each other across a chasm of uncertainty and strangeness, we can't help but eventually wonder if we ever had a real dialogue at all.   

Consider this.  I have been talking with an old friend from school on Facebook.  We are finding more similarities than differences between us.  We both believe in growing and changing and improving.  We both believe choosing happiness is the answer.  We've flirted a little.  The other day, after a few weeks of this, his daughter friended me on Facebook. 

Let me stop for a moment and ask you.  Why did his daughter friend me on Facebook?  What do you think?  Figure it out and remember your answer.  

When I told him, he sounded surprised.  I told him that he had probably mentioned my name a few too many times and his daughter was protecting him.  Checking out what trouble he might be getting himself into.  He made a "hmmm" noise and said, "She is friends with a lot of my friends."  I took it as confirmation for a moment or two and then I realized I was doing it again.  If my goal was a dialogue.  If my goal was communication.  This wasn't it.  This was simply playing the B-roll of the amalgamation of my life's viewpoint.   Wherever it is that I am now having intentionally drifted from where my parents raised me to be.  The viewpoint-colored glasses that observed their close relationship and chose to see a loving daughter protecting her dad.  (I have reached the point where my glasses are colored in benign loving world tints.)  

What did you think?  I know you can't tell me, but I challenge you to consider this.  Your answer tells you nothing about me, nothing about her, and everything about you.  Ask yourself this.

What are the glasses I use to view the world tinted with?  Do you view the world in a happy benevolent way?  Or is the world more sinister and inscrutable?  Because what you see is not necessarily all that is there, but it is what you will get.